i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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