bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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