Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
