I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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