i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
