your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
