If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
