peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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