I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
