people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
