I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize