she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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