you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
