I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
