So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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