well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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