My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
