ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
