I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
