remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
