i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
