I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
