Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize