But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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