yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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