Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
