is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
