Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
