she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize