I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he puts the penis in happiness.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
