can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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