Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
