if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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