Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize