I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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