tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
