I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
