The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
