Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
