Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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