have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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