she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
