We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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