Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
