im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
