Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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