i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
In America we eat man semen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
