I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I touched a dick in church today
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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