Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize