It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
