Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
