I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
