Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
