the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
