just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
These tits shall not be calmed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize