There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
