i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
