I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
