just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
