im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
