Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
