Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Text me some of your sweat
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
