can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
