just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
