I wish I could teleport
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
