i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
