The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
