I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
