around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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