he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
