The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
