Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
