i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
