Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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