U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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