is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
