Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
