I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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