He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
