Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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