White coat. Heels.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
