someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
