So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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