I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize