also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
