As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize