Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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