1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
