Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
