hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
