I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
