K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
