I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
