Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
