I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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