Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
