Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
