i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
