Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize