@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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