I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
