I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
