Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
