So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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