awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
