I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
