he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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